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Doc Holiday Miller, Passed on to Pet Heaven February 12, 2005
On February 12, 2005, I did not lose a pet. I lost a friend. My very
best friend. Doc Holiday Miller. I am so thankful for those 9 years
of love and trust. I write this memorial for him.
There were so many times that I would look at you and the way you
turned your head, I could still see the kitten that I brought home
from the animal shelter. All those times I cuddled you in a warm
towel when you were a kitten. And at the end I held you, as mother
holds her newborn baby, in the yellow towel the vet wrapped around
you. I did not watch to see what she was doing. Instead, I focused
on you. In those final moments, after 9 years of tender loving care,
all I had to give you in that final moment was my heart. I told you
that I loved you over and over. I called you by those sentimental
names, Dockie Bambino, my beautiful boy. You did not flinch, you did
not cry. Suddenly you were gone. Your suffering came to an end.
I am lost without you. Who will wake me in the morning? Who will
cuddle beside me at night when I settle down in the blankets to
watch TV? Who will finish off that bowl of ice cream or yogurt? Who
will be here to greet me when I walk in the door? Who will
stubbornly lie down in the middle of the floor while I try to do
yoga? Who will curl up in my lap while I meditate? Who will jump up
in my lap while I type away on the computer? Who will give me those
loving nudges like you did? We were so in cynic with one another. I
knew what you needed, and you knew when I needed sweet affection
when I felt scared, insecure or just unhappy. So many times you
stretched out on the back of the sofa, soaking up the sun like a
sleek, black panther. I would sit on the couch with you just above
my head. You would stick your paw out for me to stroke before you
pulled it up and tucked it under, as if to say I love you.
All I have are photographs, videos and memories of you. You will go
on in my heart I know. Know this, Dockie, you were my very best
friend. You were my beautiful boy. There is a giant hole in my heart
now that you are gone. I don’t know how to fill it. I think I see
you curled up on the couch. I thought I saw you last night. There
are times I think I feel your presence. I wonder if I loved you too
much.
My Celtic spirit tells me that there is magic during the twilight
hours. Just the other morning, I was slumbering somewhere between
sleep and waking. I dreamed that I was lying on the couch on my
side, crying softly because I missed you so much. Then, suddenly,
there you were. You walked over as you did a thousand times before
while living. I was so surprised but did not move. A voice within me
said, don’t move or you will break the spell. You came and rested in
the crook of my arm with your eyes have closed, purring slightly as
if to say, “I am here.” Death had not touched you. You were warm and
living once more, but I knew this was a dream. I understood that you
were dead. Yet, I was so thankful that you came to me to be with me
because in my sorrow.
Even in death you comfort me. Oh, sweet Dockie. I miss you so. You
are so loved. Never forgotten.
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